5/31/15

LD,

So it looks like you will be a June baby after all! I had my doubts for a while, I must admit.

Now let's not wait to be a July baby, mmmkay?

Love,

Mama

5/30/15

Littlest D,

This morning Daddy took Noah to the Hall of Science and I watched the first episode of a documentary about the Roosevelts. WHAT A FAMILY! I was so inspired by the stories of Teddy and Franklin growing up, the images of NYC back in the late 19th century and even some of the quotes Teddy became famous for. (He apparently also ended up famous for loving to start wars, which is really not my thing, but I do love some things about his spirit!)

It was just the inspiration I needed for parenting and life. History gives you the distance from daily, banal challenges and reminds you that one day you'll be gone and the only thing left will be your legacy. Let me tell you that mothers have important roles in their children's legacies, according to history! This reminded me that mothering is not just about something fun we do together but what long-lasting values and potential I can help inspire in you. Daddy and I take that job really seriously and we love helping to shape your world, ambitions and environment to help you thrive.

I am such a history fan and I tell you this now because of you ever find yourself at a loss for what to get me for a birthday or holiday, go for something awesome and historical. I will love it!

Love,

Your Mama

5/28/15

Hi little dude,

Well today was a great day! I tried to dream up an activity that would be fun for your brother and wouldn't require too much moving on my part... and we ended up riding the city bus all around Berkeley! We rode it from one end to the other, ending in Rockridge where we left the bus to find ourselves face to face with an Oakland fire engine!!! The firemen let us look inside the truck and they even gave your brother a hat. He was so excited. Then we went for breakfast and ate pumpkin waffles before buying you some socks at a kids' consignment store. It was just the perfect morning and we had an equally great bus ride back home.

There are times when being a parent is so challenging but there are also times when it is so liberating. I kept imagining how it will be to bring two boys on the bus, how simple and fun it will be to spend my days off with the two of you once you're a little older. I'm excited to see the joy and wonder of buses and fire engines in your face too, little one.

Love,

Mama

5/26/15

Hello little guy,

This will be a short note because it was truly a heck of a day. I have run the gamut today, feeling like a terrible sister, mother, writer all the way over to feeling like an amazing sister, mother, writer. I have landed somewhere in-between.

And this, buddy, is what I want to say to you: the in-between is where life happens. I am in bed at 8:30 after taking a bubble bath, resting in the knowledge that I tried my best. And when you grow up and inevitably have days like this, it's what you must reach for too. 

Let's get some sleep. 

Love,

Mama

5/25/15

Hey buddy,

I've got two friends who have recently had their second babies and the news from the newborn front sounds good. Everyone is surviving these first few weeks. No toddler siblings have packed up their stuff and headed off to college early. The dads and moms are getting okay sleep, all things considering. 

It really helps to hear this. The first time around I had no one going through newbornness at the same time... but at this point I am texting these other moms daily about the ups and downs. I'm so glad to be going through it with them. And I'm very hopeful that you'll be like their boys, eating and sleeping as-needed!

Love,

Mama

5/22/15

Hi Diggs,

Your brother has had a high fever for the past 24 hours and I've been keeping a close eye on how he's responding to medicine. Sometimes being a parent is like being a jack-of-all-trades. Chef? Doctor? Teacher? Nutritionist? CHECK!

Anyway, it's been interesting to focus on the kid who is not punching me in the kidney every four seconds. You faded into the background today my friend, despite all of your attempts to bring my attention to my belly. Get used to it, pal... you will be sharing the spotlight soon enough!

I'm 35 weeks today. 5 weeks to go!

Love,

Mama

5/20/15

Hello Little Dude,

The coolest part about knowing that your head is down is being able to track and figure out what part of you is poking me. Tonight while Daddy and I watched a movie I felt your feet moving around high in my belly, then your back and butt poking up along my right side. I doubt you have enough room to stretch out into a handstand but you are upside-down. Isn't that funny?

A friend just gave birth to her second kid (this time a boy) and I am happy for her yet daunted at the same time. You're next! Holy smokes!

Love,

Mama

5/19/15

Hey Little D,

You were just doing the wave across my belly. But probably not with your hand, it seemed more like a butt. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE, YOU CRAZY GOOF???

We got your brother a tricycle today, which means that the scooter is all yours when you're ready for it. Judging by the athletic skills you're demonstrating in utero, I expect that will be sometime in your first month of life. 

Have I mentioned that you feel like you've dropped? I can't cross my legs anymore and you feel low. This is both great and terrifying. I have so much work to do before you bust outta there! Let me get a couple of audit documents written and then I'm all yours. Eek!

Love,

Mama

5/18/15

Hey Diggy,

Today your brother told me he wants you both to wear baseball shirts. So I'll get right on that shopping order!

Love,

Mama

5/17/15

Hello Little D!

Tonight Daddy and I talked about the Jazz festival on 4th street (Daddy walked Noah over for a few minutes this afternoon). We had a great talk about how excited we are to be raising you guys the way we are, exposing you to so many different places and people. We also brainstormed what we want to do with you both as you grow older. It was a fun talk!

Diggy, your brother made us parents. But somehow it feels like you are forming us into an official family. I have turned a point in this pregnancy where I'm just so thrilled and excited to be FOUR... any labor pain or contractions or whatever pales in comparison with who I believe we can be together.

Love,

Mama

5/15/15

Hey Little D,

It's been a very tiring past few days! I've worked in the city two days this week, including long and annoying commutes. But you got to hear performance reviews of some manager at a start-up and I hope you were taking diplomatic notes.

Nana arrived this afternoon too and we are happy to see her! She brought your little bassinet and some clothes for you and your brother. It's good to have someone around who is such a help with your brother. It will be a fun weekend with Aunt Kiki and Nana together!

Love,

Mama

5/11/15

Hey Digs,

I took a a bath tonight and was going to read in it but ended up just watching you flip around instead. I practiced some breathing and started to imagine labor. I feel oddly better about going through it now that I've done a little visualizing.

This morning during a coaching call one of my clients talked about visualizing what he wanted his life and business to be like and then taking steps daily to get there. It was really inspiring to hear. I went to see Oprah last fall and she led us in a visualizing exercise too; I saw me standing at a kitchen sink watching my kids play in the yard, where there was a porch swing and a great flower garden. I hope that can be our home one day, but, more than the details, I hope that I have a strong sense of nature in our daily lives. I want some bird feeders and bird houses around, not to mention a couple of big trees to stretch out and provide shade and reading spots in the summer. Doesn't that sound nice?

Love,

Mama

5/10/15

Hey LD,

Today was Mother's Day and I don't want to dive into a whole speech about being a mother but I will say that I am very grateful for the experience and love my kids very much. I know a decent amount of people who hope to become parents and struggle with that process... I have been thinking of them all day and sending hope and good vibes into the universe for them. It is a big deal to take charge of someone's upbringing and I am grateful that we were able to enter this phase of life relatively easily.

I spent the day with Daddy and Noah, eating bagels and resting as much as I could. We took a funny trip to the local mall to do family portraits at JC Penneys (a surprise from Daddy!) and now we will have cheeseball photos to document this moment in our lives. I find it helps to have a sense of humor about things... there's nothing like a Dary family glamour shot session to round out the sentimentality of something like Mother's Day. :)

Love,

Your Mama

5/9/15

Hey Little D,

I'm reading a book about the Wright brothers, who invented the first airplane that really worked. It is blowing my mind! They worked SO hard and were such good men. And it really charms me that they were brothers, working together everyday on this goal.

Odds are very slim that you and Noah want to attack something on that large a scale one day, but if you decide to do it I will be totally behind you! The Wright brothers never married or had kids (which is secretly why I think they were successful... they had zero distractions and financial obligations!). If you and Noah decide not to give me grandkids, I will roll with it and find some kiddos nearby that want to come hear storytime from Granny Jenny. Please write the scripts of your lives based on what truly compels you on this planet. I will be happy to see you doing what you are meant to do, no matter what it is!

Love,

Mama

5/7/15

Hey little man,

Today I hosted an old friend from Paris and her French boyfriend for lunch while Noah napped. They were visiting the west and driving up California; it was so wonderful to see an old friend and reminisce about old days spent wandering the streets of Europe. (Ok, also the bars. And nightclubs. Your mom had a great time back in the day.)

How awesome it was to have French roll off my tongue with them, a language that became something so dear to me but has since become a rarely-used skill in my life. Such is the path for foreign languages... but I'm alright with it for now. There will be plenty of reunions in France to come, plenty of family vacations and adventures for us abroad too. I can't wait to expose you to it all!

Love,

Mama

5/6/15

Hey Diggy,

Every night before bed I try to do two things. The first is writing you a little note. The second is writing 5 things I'm grateful for in my gratitude journal. Some nights I'm too exhausted but I get there most nights and these two actions really round out the day.

Though I'm a perfect candidate to keep a journal, I don't. I wrote a daily blog for your brother when he was in my belly and a good friend surprised me by getting the blog published as a book that is now on the bookshelves in our living room. Do you know I haven't ever gone back to reread it? Maybe I will once you're born... but certainly I am grateful to have these two periods of our lives so finely documented. One day I will love that I did this, love rereading snapshots of our world. But as you'll find with life, there are periods of reflection and sentiment and then there are periods of just plain old living. We are living right now, which explains why I haven't reread any of Noah's old blog. I simply don't have the time or headspace to do it justice.

Over the weekend we learned that Sheryl Sandberg's husband died. Sandberg wrote a book called Lean In which was one of the most inspirational things I read that led me to start my own business. My heart was broken for her all weekend; she wrote so much about how having Dave as her husband allowed her to have the amazing career that she does. I saw so much of myself in what she described and, I suppose, saw my relationship with Daddy too. The other night I lay awake from 4 to 6am worrying about Daddy dying. It's the worst thing I can imagine.

So this is the snapshot of our lives right now. Some moments I am sad enough for Sandberg that it haunts me in the early hours and other moments I am picking raisins off the floor and other moments I am helping a CEO role play firing someone. All of these moments are important... all of them are true. 

And yet if it weren't for this little blog and nightly tradition, there wouldn't be any record of what your Mama thought about, worried about and celebrated in 2015, the year you were born.

So this blog is one of my five grateful things tonight. And for the fifth night in a row, Daddy is on that list too.

Love,

Mama

5/5/15

Hey Digs,

I just want you to know that I can't wait until I have myself back to myself. For the next 7 weeks or so I will keep you housed and healthy but boy do I feel compromised from my independence! Daddy is such a support but it's hard to just sit around and ask for help. (I am working on this skill.)

We have zero plans for more kids after you and I'll tell you that I'm nearly sure it will stay that way. I can't wait to give birth to tons of other things in our lives- ideas, trips, family traditions, one day a house of our own. So I'll try to enjoy what I can about being pregnant with you since this is the last hurrah!

Love,

Mama

PS Easy on the heartburn, will ya?

5/4/15

Hello little D,

I finished making you a bib this weekend. When your brother was in my belly I made him an Ernie bib and now you've got one with Bert on it! You guys are going to look pretty darn cute. Your brother already wanted to use yours but I made him resist... we want to keep some things fresh for you, bud.

Love,

Mama

5/2/15

Hello little dude,

A friend came over with her two kids this morning. One is Noah's age and the other is a baby who is barely 6 months old. I held her while her Mama helped the other kiddos with a few things and kept thinking about how soon you will be here, how excited I am to hold a 6 month old YOU sometime soon!

Love,

Mama