2/28/15

Hi Little D,

We're going to do lots of things together as a family, of course. But I'm also curious about and excited to spend time in different groupings too. For example, I'm very excited to take you out on a special ice cream date one day, just you and me. I'm excited to travel to Japan with Daddy when you boys are a little older and can be left for a week or two. I'm excited to take Noah out for bagels when you get here so you and Daddy can hang out together and I can reconnect with your bro.

We'll be a family of four but we'll be many versions of that too. And I'm looking forward to all of the possible dynamics in our family, the challenges and the joy.

Love,

Mama

2/27/15

Hey LD,

I spent the day at coach training. You tagged along too (ha!). I feel really lucky to have these experiences while you're with me because I can't help but feel you're picking up on the lessons and emotional growth from the womb. 

There's so much more to say but I'm exhausted after a day of hard work. One of the biggest lessons to learn is how to take care of yourself, buddy, and right now I need some solid sleep :)

Love,

Mama

2/25/15

Hey Little D-

I ate two salads today for you (and for me). 

Then tonight I ate cinnamon bun ice cream for me (and a little for you too). 

You're welcome.

Love,

Mama

2/24/15

Hey little guy,

One of the coolest things about life is the contrast between life events you're not ready for and those that sail right by you. We didn't know it yet, but today was your brother's last time in a crib! I took him shopping this morning and bought him a toddler bed but I never dreamed Daddy would have the energy to put it together tonight. And yet he did! So now Noah is sleeping (VERY HAPPILY) in his new big boy bed and our first baby is officially out of his crib.

Had I known it was going to be the last crib nap I might have been a little anxious or sentimental... but I'm glad it happened the way it did. He was ready and we were ready and the bed was built and now that milestone is passed.

And, my little friend, there is an empty crib just across his room, waiting for you. This makes it feel more real than ever.

Also, I started filling out your baby book today and THAT made it feel real too. 

Love,

Your Mama

2/23/15

Hey Little D,

We have two cats in our family- Oscar and Ollie. They look like brothers but they're not; we rescued them from the same shelter years apart and it's taken a long time for them to move from civility to friendship. But maybe it's the brother vibe in the air or something but lately I've been finding them curled up like this: 

Your brother can pronounce Oscar but he had a hard time with Ollie's name so he started to call him Wally... it really stuck, so we switch off calling him Ollie, Wally and (my fav) Wallaby. 

Wally is afraid of Noah but he's also very protective and lately he's been hanging out in his bedroom while I read stories at night. I'm starting to wonder if he senses your presence (he's sleeping right alongside me as I type this) and I remember he did the same when I was pregnant with Noah. He's a good little guy, even if he does get himself into trouble sometimes! 

I'm excited for you to meet the whole crew in a few months... 

Love,

Mama

2/21-2/22/15

Hey little dude,

Boy, I feel pregnant. I was talking to Daddy earlier about it and we couldn't remember how I felt at 22 weeks the first time around, but I am definitely noticing some limitations these days. To be fair, I wasn't trying to clean up or pick small things up off the floor as often when I was pregnant with Noah. (I also wasn't carrying a kid around on top of my belly!)

But something does seem to have popped or changed for me over the past week... and I think you have something to do with it. :)

You're still active as ever and I think you're getting close to being able to be felt regularly from the outside. I so want your brother to feel you kick, but it's so sporadic so far that it hasn't seemed worth it to call him over. We got a tee-ball set this weekend and Daddy was teaching Noah how to hit the ball. He had a blast and I kept thinking how fun it will be when we can all head to the field to play some catch. You know, I used to be a decent pitcher back in the day! Your old mom can show you guys some tricks.

Love,

Mama

2/20/15

Hi Little D,

This morning I met your Aunt Kate in the city to do some dress shopping. We got lunch together afterwards, which was really a treat since she is usually so busy with school (and me with work and Noah) that we rarely have time together. 

After we finished eating, I went to use the bathroom and a woman stopped me just inside the door.

"Are you two sisters?" she asked. I nodded. "You seem like you're having the best time together," she said and went on her way.

Well that made me feel great! And later I thought about how you and Noah might act one day, one of you preparing for a wedding. My greatest hope is that you will have the kind of friendship with your brother that I've had with my siblings. I can't imagine life without them, truly.

Once a while back I realized that siblings are the only people you know for your whole life. Your parents start life with you, of course, but often leave the world before you do. Your spouse or partner is someone you meet once you're older and have some years under your belt. But siblings are there the whole time, from childhood to old age. Appreciate your brother, sweet pea, because he's the best gift we could ever give you.

Love,

Mama

2/19/15

Hi Little D,

We haven't chosen a name for you yet but we have a few options and there's one in particular that I keep using when I think of you. It's an amazing thing to name another human being... You set them up with this identity (or label?) without knowing who or how they are yet. It's the most long-range gift you get from your parents, other than your actual life, of course.

Tonight your brother told me he wanted to go to the hospital so the baby could come out. He's got some waiting time left, doesn't he?!

Love,

Mama

2/18/15

Hi little one,

Every night after dinner we do our bath and bedtime routine. Either Daddy or I do bath and then the other one does bedtime. If I had to pick a favorite, I think I like bedtime better... I love reading stories and singing songs and those last few minutes before bed. It feels like a calm, winding down of the day and I always leave Noah's room feeling happy and grateful. 

One of the funny things about parenting is what comes to you from the depths of your mind as you navigate new experiences. I reach for new lullabies sometimes and the funniest things come out! For example, I sing your brother Peace Like a River and Kumbaya and Edelweiss (which is a song from an awesome musical that we'll watch one day.) They're not the standard bedtime songs but I love singing them anyway because they truly feel like good songs to wind down the day.

I'll sing you these songs too when you arrive and by that time your brother will probably handle singing as well. He's almost learned them all!

Love,

Mama

2/17/15

Hey Little D,

Your aunt Kate came over tonight to watch your brother and it made me so excited for you to meet her. She's going to be there when you're born (at least that's the plan...) and one of the first people you'll meet in your life!

Love,

Mama 

2/16/15

Hey Little D-

One project that I would like to tackle before you kids are school-age is making a book of poetry. I want to fill it with all sorts of poems - funny, simple, long, short, poems about nature or eating or family or dogs. And then I want to rotate who chooses a poem to read every night at dinner before we eat. 

My third grade teacher taught us poetry and we used to start each morning reciting and listening to poems. I still remember it... and I would love for that to be part of the culture of our family, for you to grow up knowing some Robert Frost and Rumi, some Mary Oliver or Irish stuff. 

Poems are beautiful!

Love,

Mama

2/14-2/15/15

Hey Little D,

We have a Valentine's Day tradition in our house... Daddy cooks dinner! Last night was no exception. He made minestrone soup and caprese skewers and it was delicious. We played an old mix CD in the background and then your brother did a dance. It was one of those moments when you feel just so grateful for your life. I'll be very happy to have you here with us next Valentine's Day too!

We spent a good chunk of the weekend outside and then set up our tent in the living room this afternoon for a special treat. We talked about camping again soon and I think we're going to do it! Buddy, I am really looking forward to camping as a family for years to come. Daddy loves camping and I love being outside, so it's a good combo activity for us. Maybe when you're a little bigger you guys can have a kids' tent set up next to our tent. 

I dream of visiting Hawaii too, and France again and Europe, but camping seems like it could become a regular affair. We'll see how it goes!

Love,

Mama

2/13/15

Hey Little D,

The other day I was watching tv and the show had a few scenes of a baby being born. I teared up just thinking about meeting you for the first time! Who ARE you, little dude?!

It continues to hit me every few days or weeks that we made a person, a brand new guy on the planet. And though we'll raise you and influence you for sure, you're going to show up with your own identity already in place. I look at your brother and I can see what a newborn turns out to be (hint: a funny, loveable toddler!) and it makes me even more excited to have you join our family this summer.

Love,

Mama

2/12/15

Hey little guy,

Noah and I spent part of today at the botanic gardens, which is such a cool place. I can't wait to take you too one day! We saw all kinds of newts in the pond, played soccer on the lawn and listened for birds and other noises in the woods.

I didn't grow up in a rural area but I definitely spent a lot of time outside with my siblings. We named the woods next to our house and used to explore it after school and on the weekends. It's one of the highlights of parenting that I get to spend time outside with my kids, helping you learn to appreciate nature! 

On that note I gotta say, newts? They're pretty weird. I'm sure you're going to love them.

Love,

Mama

2/11/15

Hi Little D,

I'm no great cook, but I'm getting better. One of the most surprising things for me was realizing that getting married and becoming a mom did not grace me with sudden chef skills. Cooking for a family has been, for the most part, kind of a slog.

But I'm happy to report that I'm getting mildly better at it, a fact that has less to do with my talent for it and more to do with the number of times I've done it at this point. There's a thinker and writer called Malcolm Gladwell who writes about the 10,000 hours theory. In it he says that spending 10,000 hours at anything will make you an expert. 

Now 10,000 hours is a long time. I'm not sure if I have ANYTHING in my life that I've done for that long (maybe talking to people...). But what I take from his point is that getting better at something has a lot to do with trying it over and over and over and over. It's just sheer willpower and brute repetition.

How magical to know that you could get better at ANYTHING, simply by doing it.

Love,

Mama

2/10/15

Hey Little D-

Tonight I asked your brother what we should name you. He said, "Santa."

So, I'm taking that under consideration.

Love,

Mama

2/9/15

Dear LD,

Tonight you and I had dinner with some friends in San Francisco. To be honest, it's still not a city I know (or love) and it strikes me as really bizarre that you are going to be born right outside it! 

Anyway, I was thinking about what a different life and childhood you're going to have than me and Daddy. You and your brother are going to have at least some memories of California and I'm glad for it. The sun here in Berkeley is really good for the soul, especially during these heavy winter months back east. I can't tell you what a relief it is as a parent to not have to dress your brother up in 15 layers before leaving the house. I'm looking forward to spending lots of time outside with you once you arrive too! Hikes with you in the Ergo, walks in the sun. I can already tell that's going to feel really great and make up somewhat for the lack of sleep.

Love,

Mama

2/8/15

Hi Little D!

We had such a wonderful Sunday today. It started with some Sesame Street and coffee and the New York Times... boy have we really learned how to enjoy a weekend since we left New York! It was pure heaven just snuggling on that couch this morning, all three of us together but doing separate things. I can't wait for you to join us!

It rained pretty hard here for most of the day. We don't get a ton of rain in Calidornia, so I get pretty psyched when it shows up. There's something so cozy about a gray and rainy day and we relaxed for much of the day until our bedroom window started leaking and then Daddy and I had to troubleshoot. We are a pretty good team - as I write this there are still two garbage bags tapes to the window to collect the rain if it comes in again (which flow into buckets). Not too big of a deal, but a bit of excitement.

Can I tell you that you are the most ACTIVE little guy in that womb?! You are really moving around all the time, even if it's hard for everyone else to feel yet. I really wonder what kind of kid you're going to be -- so far my guess is a runner or at least someone itchy to get moving. Move all you want for now; it's about to get pretty tight in there!

Love,

Mama

2/7/15

Hey Little D! Or should I say HEY SON!!!!

You're a boy! And now all of your family (and many friends) know it. I was so shocked when the technician told us! Here's how it happened:

Daddy came to the appointment (it was early so he could still get to work) and Noah was with us too. I think we both really thought it was a girl- Noah even said he bought it was a sister just before the appointment. So we head into the room and the technician starts measuring your heart, head, everything. Noah got bored pretty quickly and we set him up with the iPad on the floor. The lady was checking out your legs and feet when suddenly she hit a button and "I'm a boy!" popped up in the screen. I swear I thought she hit the wrong thing! 

"Oops!" she said, "I meant to wait on that," but the secret was out and we were a little shocked. But I have to say, within a few seconds it felt totally right, like we're a family of little boy bear cubs. We tried to tell Noah right away but he wasn't so interested, so Daddy and I just kept looking at each other and laughing and smiling.

All day I had thoughts about you and your brother- how we'll take our boys camping and how I want our boys to see Yosemite and how our house will be filled with the sweetest boys ever. I'm so thrilled to be your mama, sweet one, and we are just reveling in knowing what our family will look like.

Love,

Mama

2/6/15

Hi Little D!

Everyone is having a blast finding out about your gender... tomorrow we'll finish sharing with family and then I'll be able to write about it freely. I had a great day today buying balloons (pink or blue?!) and getting ready for our announcements. If gender reveal parties were all it took, I'd have a million kids!

As it stands, you are probably our last one. ;)

Love,
Mama

2/5/15

Hey Little D-

Sweet pea! This morning we had our anatomy scan and the technician told us what we're having! We're waiting until this weekend to share the news with our families but I just want to say that the moment she said it, I felt so warm and good and like it's exactly right. We can't imagine it any other way.

All afternoon I've been thinking about our future family in a very tangible way, looking forward to so many adventures and generally just life together. By the time you're old enough to have children, you'll probably be able to program an app to choose gender but for now back here in the dark ages, it still feels like the one element of life that you can't control. I love it. And even though I really thought I'd want to wait to find out until you're born, this was truly just as good.

Love,

Mama

2/4/15

Dear Little D-

Tomorrow is the day! We are going to get a good look at you and find out if you're a girl or a boy. I have been feeling girl this whole time, though I'm less sure about that the closer we get. 

If you're a daughter: I know it will be a challenge (moms and daughters are messy!), but I would absolutely love to raise a strong, supported and confident lady! And I could cry just imagining Daddy with a daughter.

If you're a son: we won't have to buy any clothes! (Ha.) We'll have two little boy bear cubs and I would love to raise another strong gentleman, and for you and your brother to be brother companions. 

Either way, sweet one, I can't wait to find out! It feels like your mini-birthday. 

See you soon,

Mama

2/3/15

Hey LD,

Have I told you yet how excited your brother is about becoming a brother? Well he can't stop talking about you! When we first told him that I was going to have a baby he really looked like he was processing the news... and then a few minutes later he ran back into the room and said "a little sweetheart!" Ever since, he's been so obsessed with hearing about you, talking about how he'll be a helper and asking if he can hold you. 

My little buddy, you have to know - you won't be our first kiddo but you are getting seriously upgraded parents compared to what Noah came home to. We know what we're doing now! (Ok, we know SLIGHTLY more than we did before...) But really, our family is so full of love and heart. You are going to be welcomed like no other, little summer baby. 

Love,

Mama

2/2/15

Dear Little D,

Oh, buddy. What a day I've had! I talked to people about their work in so many places... from east to west and even international clients today. I can only hope that you find work one day that fills you up like my work does for me.

That said, it took me a while to find it. I studied different things along the way but ultimately it was my love of helping people that got me to my job. I want you to know that sometimes the windy roads are the most interesting- and your Daddy and I just can't wait to support you along the way.

Love,

Mama

2/1/15

Hey little one-

Last night I read stories to your brother and the two kids we were staying with in Portland. Noah sat on my lap and Will and Claire sat next to me. It was so cozy, like being a mom or an aunt to a little herd of children. It made me look forward to a day when I'll read to you and Noah together before bed. There are so many great books in the world waiting for you!

It also made me look forward to a time when I have some nieces and nephews to read to. So far you don't have any cousins, but hopefully one day that will change!

Love,

Mama