3/31/15

Hi little guy,

We had a gross morning doing the glucose tolerance test. I know you were hungry (I was too!!) and that jug of glucose was a pretty nasty replacement for breakfast. But hopefully we'll hear good news tomorrow, that I don't have diabetes during this pregnancy!

Tonight Oscar jumped onto my lap and you spent a good 15 minutes kicking him. I'm not sure what he thought was happening... but he kept right on purring and seemed to like having a bigger belly to rest his head on. He was my original baby... he's got such a sweet heart and he has always rolled with our family's punches, no matter what's going on. I know he'll do the same when you get here.

Love,

Mama

3/29/15

Hey Little D,

I'm not sure what you have control over in there, but if you can take care of the heartburn, headache and general malaise that would be great. See what you can do. And in the meantime, go low-key with the kicking and punching. Your mama is feeling it!

Love,

Mama

PS Don't forget how awesome your Daddy is for taking care of your Mama while you're in the belly. He's the reason we're all hanging in there!

3/27/15

Hey Diggy,

Tonight Aunt Kiki and Uncle Andrew came over for dinner and Kiki brought her baby listening gear. Everyone listened to your heartbeat and watched as you moved around and kicked my belly. We had a fun time hanging out, especially since we got to hear from you too! It's pretty fun having a sister who specializes in pregnant ladies and birthing babies... it's kinda like having a backstage pass.

Love,

Mama

3/26/15

Hey Little one,

Today we waded in the water at a beach near our house. I helped your brother jump and splash and you were moving up a storm in my belly. Maybe you wanted me to know how excited you are about the beach too?

What a strange situation to be at a beach in late March! But I'll take it... Even if we move somewhere with seasons again, we'll have made awesome use of our time here in California. I promise you can get a beach day too once you're out in the world. 

Love,

Mama

3/25/15

Hey Little Diggy,

Things to look forward to in life:

- playing soccer and getting a medal (like your brother today)

- loving a writer and going to see her read (like your Mama tonight - Anne Lamott!)

- tasty takeout for dinner (like your Dadzo ordered tonight)

Plus a million other fun life events like ice cream and traveling and falling in love.

Love,

Mama

3/24/15

Hey LD,

The other night we asked your brother what his favorite name was. First, he said "Noah Andrew Dary," to which we replied that someone in our family already has that name. Then he told us "Diggy."

Hilariously, this has sort of stuck... and I think it's even funnier since I call you Little D here. Perhaps Little Diggy is worth using every once in a while on this blog. Daddy and I have already started called you Diggy in person and it cracks us up!

Love,

Mama

3/23/15

Hey  LD,

Daddy and I have been watching an excellent show called House of Cards. The new season is highly political and we are loving it. Neither of us are experts in politics, nor do we know minute details about the policies of today's senate floor or what congress is stalled over. Frankly, they all seem to be the same stories... politicians who cover for themselves, time and time again.

I am so very hopeful that Hillary Clinton will run for president next year. I don't yet know her stance or policies. But the way I vote these days has more to do with the symbol of what I want our country to be rather than the words coming out of any politician's mouth.

Just as I felt in 2008, I feel it is time for a broadening in our political horizon. I was so inspired by Barack Obama, who campaigned with messages of hope and vision rather than fear. I feel the same about what a female president stands for- hope, change, a vision for the future. I want to live in a country where more than white men participate at the highest levels of government. I want that to be true about the world you are coming into. Daddy and I work very hard and we pay a lot of taxes. We are good citizens. We plan for what we can (the funds your grandparents will have access to will be long gone by the time we retire and so we are learning to think differently). The entire world is changing and I feel it's imperative that our leadership change too.

Many (most?) people vote out of fear. They let candidates terrify them through their rhetoric, their grandstanding and their manipulation to win at all costs. I will not vote out of fear. I will vote based on hope and vision. It's the way I can continue to bring kids into the world, the way I accept that our future will inevitably be different than those who came before us, that it truly won't be worse, just different.

Love,

Mama

3/22/15

Hi my little one,

Today was very reminiscent of our first trimester together... I was exhausted! I held it together for the morning but took a good nap and then read for most of the afternoon. Are you eating your wheaties in there or something? Growth spurt? I felt it!

Tonight in the bath I was telling your brother about Aunt Kiki's upcoming wedding and then we started to talk about the fact that, likely, within a few years you'll have COUSINS! Noah loved this idea and I have to say, it made me so excited too! I absolutely can't wait to be an aunt and to watch my brother or sister go through the experience of becoming a parent. I feel pretty alone in this phase of life, as both Daddy and I are the only kids in our families with kids. How fun will it be when there are other little ones to watch grow, to visit and enjoy and read stories with? And I know that you and your brother will get some great cousin friends out of the deal... Maybe girls AND boys!

Your Nana and Pop-Pop will love it so much, I can tell you that for sure.

Night night, sweet one. I'll get some extra rest for both of us.

Love,

Mama

3/21/15

LD-

Your brother felt you kick! I'm not sure he fully registered what was going on but it happened! I like to think you were high-fiving him...

Love,

Mama

3/20/15

Hey LD,

This afternoon I was driving down from a walk at Tilden park and I was hit by a feeling of being really happy. Maybe it was the beautiful day or the flowers or the anticipation of my work this afternoon, I'm not sure. But I was excited to be a mom and a wife and generally just to be alive.

I thought you'd appreciate the good vibes; I'm sure you felt them too.

Love,

Mama

3/19/15

Hey Little D,

I got you an outfit tonight! I have been shopping about three times in the past year so this is a very rare occurrence... but tonight I saw some newborn clothes and I realized I really wanted to get you a onesie for you, not that you'll inherit from your brother. (Most of your clothes will be from him!)

It was crazy to hold such a tiny outfit again. Your bro is not a big guy at all, but he's going to have 20+ pounds on you and that seems ginormous!

Love,

Mama

3/18/15

Hey Little D,

Every night before bed I write down 5 things I'm grateful for in a small gratitude journal. It's a small practice that started when I saw Oprah at a special weekend event in November (IT WAS SO AWESOME) and I've kept it up most every day since. Some days I write big things like signing a new client or a trip to a museum but other times I write about small things or moments. It's started to change the way I interact with the world, to be honest. When a woman gave me her parking space last month, I immediately thought "this is one of my five!" and even when I broke my phone the other day I thought "it could have been worse!"

I am grateful every day for your movements, even if I don't write it down every day. You're my constant companion, my tag-along buddy. I love the gentle reminder of your existence when you kick me all day long. Keep it up, sweet one.

Love,

Mama

3/17/15

Hello little D,

We heard your strong heartbeat this morning at the midwife's office; so far, so good. I must admit that I am feeling Really Pregnant at this point, which is sort of freaking me out because we've got FIFTEEN weeks to go. (It's equally freaking me out that we only have FIFTEEN weekends left as a family of three. Everything is freaking me out today.)

This is why I'm in bed at 8:25 tonight, about to rub lotion on my belly and read books until I fall asleep. I have been mostly operating on Normal Person Schedule and Energy this trimester and it's time to take it down a notch or thirty. I know it will be better for you and for me if I start to focus on the small things here at home and less on the world around us. The world will still be there after you're born and I'm healed; for the next while though, it's time to use most of my energy inward.

I say this to you because this is how life is. Sometimes you can care for others (emotionally, financially, physically, etc.) but other times you have to retreat and let everyone handle themselves. Unless society really does a 180, you will never have the experience of growing a person inside you. No matter, this lesson will still hold true for you, sweet boy. Is it a day for others or a day for yourself? Ask yourself this from time to time. It's an important life skill, to learn to prioritize yourself when you most need it. 

The amazing thing is, the whole world ambles on just fine without you. 

Love,

Mama

3/16/15

Hi little guy,

I'm typing this to you on a busted phone screen (boo!). I visited your uncle Steve this weekend and his habit of shattering screens was contagious... So please ignore misspellings in this note!

While at Uncle Steve and Aunt Sara's apartment, you were kicking a bunch and they wanted to feel you so I told them where to press. You kicked them both right away! They loved it and I was glad they got to feel you from the belly home.

Now we're back in Berkeley and I'm so happy to be home. I was also happy to be away, but each time I come back here it feels more and more comfortable. I was happy to see Daddy and Noah... and to refind our sweet life here. It's good to be back.

Love,

Mama

3/11/15

Hi LD,

It was a long day but a good one, too. I hope you get to work with people one day who value your work. It's how I feel most days.

Love,

Mama

3/10/15

Hey LD,

We've spent much of today on airplanes (that's where we are now), having some quality me-you time. Daddy and Noah are back in Berkeley while we take a business trip to DC. Earlier today, my seatmates were talking to me about having kids. A man who just retired was sitting next to me; he told me about the thoughts he had before bringing his sons into the world, fear of nuclear bombs and a world that doesn't always seem to be on the up and up. 

It was a nice little chat. But you know what I kept thinking? THANK GOODNESS we are having babies! Thank goodness you are arriving in the world, just as we need more helpers! It certainly makes me want to be the best parent I can so that, when your generation takes over, you do it with optimism and hope, new ideas and good energy. I fear that many people today cower at the prospect that the world can change. 

But I really believe that the world can change. Because I can change. And so I keep trying to do just that.

Love,

Mama  

3/9/15

Hey Little D,

This afternoon I had coffee with a friend from school. We grew up in the same town and he was out here visiting friends so we got together. It's crazy to think that I've known him for over 20 years, more than half our lifetimes. I can't tell you how different my life turned out that what I expected back in Elementary school.

To be really honest, the life I get to live every day blows me away. I feel so fortunate for Daddy, your brother, you, my business, my family and friends... the list goes on and on. It's like I'm living a full color version of the life I hoped was possible. I love my life.

Life won't be what you expect it to be, sweet one. It never promises to be. But if you are very brave (and a little lucky), I know it can be so much better than you imagine. You can choose the life you want and I will just adore watching you find your way, no matter how it looks. 

My day job is hard to explain, but the long story short is that I often help people figure out what they want or need and then how they can go for it. Every single workday, I get to be part of people's lives and I get to watch them make giant (and sometimes tiny) changes. What matters is that your keep changing, that you love yourself exactly as you are, but that you fight for yourself in new ways all the time. I am moved to tears just thinking about some of the brave things I've seen people do (fire someone, quit a job, write a book, leave a spouse, have a baby, etc.). Humans are super-tough. 

And you will be too.

Love,

Mama

3/7/15

Hey buddy,

Just a quick note tonight to say that Daddy and I got excited to meet you earlier while telling a Noah about when he was born. (He knows this story well but asks for it often!) Youre going to be so welcomed.

Love,

Mama

3/6/15

Hello little one,

You are 24 weeks today and according to my app you're the size of a large zucchini. I can believe this, not so much because I feel huge but because you are VERY ACTIVE. Maybe we should start calling you the dancing zucchini or something... every week you surprise me by amping up the movement even more. 

I went to see Oprah last fall. She's a big inspiration of mine... and one of the activities she led was an exercise in assessing different areas of your life. Long story short, I rated "home" pretty low. I wasn't feeling so great about our space, felt disconnected from the town we live in and generally felt like "home" was something that couldn't exist for me in California. Oprah said that doing one thing each day towards an area of your life that needs improvement would completely change your opinion of it within a year. I decided to light a candle once a day, a small gesture that I hoped would make our space feel more like a home.

Well! It has totally worked! We started doing candle baths with Noah, recently started lighting a candle or two at dinner and sometimes I choose to light the candle of the day while I'm cooking. But that's not all! We've spent more time outside, started weekly trips to the market and we've attended our first sports game in the U Cal campus. I really do feel a sense of "home" here in our house now! This was also helped by a huge purge I did around the new year where I got rid of clutter and a ton of stuff. Our space feels cleaner, clearer and more intentional.

Then tonight, for the third or fourth Friday in a row, I baked a half batch of cookies while Daddy put Noah to bed and we ate some while we watched tv. Homemade cookies have made as much of a "home" vibe as the candles did and I guess I'm telling you all of this because I do feel like you're going to feel at home here. I feel like a good mom for taking steps to make us all feel more comfortable in our space and Oprah was right, a bit of effort goes a very long way.

There you are kicking again. I love you, little guy! Can't wait til you call this house home too.

Love,

Mama

3/4/15

Hey little guy,

I'm hanging out at one of my best buddy's houses here in Berkeley, eating salad on her couch while she tends to her little baby. Just hearing that baby cry is making me think about you and all the crying you'll do too. 

REALITY CHECK!

Love,

Your Mama-roo

3/3/15

Hey LD,

We are a big reading family. Daddy loves his Kindle but Noah and I are still paper book fans and we visit the library every other week. During our visit today the librarian gave us a little March challenge, which includes a bingo sort of paper and little challenges to fill out the boxes (read at night, sing a song together, learn a new rhyme, etc.). It brought back memories of when I was a kid. My parents took us to the library all the time and I so loved doing the summer reading challenges. You'd keep track of the number of books you read and your name would move along the trail on the wall as you read more. I still wish it was ok for adults to do, though I probably wouldn't make it very far these days... unless you count kid books :)

All that to say that reading is SO important. It's an escape, an education, a privilege and a passion. Some of our most cozy memories to come will be over books, of that I am positive. 

Love,

Mama

3/2/15

Hey Little D,

Today, inspired by some stuff that came up during coach training this weekend, I walked your brother to daycare. I used to do this when we first moved here and it has slowly become a pure driving situation. It's easier, frankly, to use the car. 

But it's not as beautiful.

This morning we left with an hour before my first call. Noah walked 3 blocks and then I pushed him in the stroller for the rest of the mile-long walk. We saw a garbage truck and a skateboarder, flowers and dogs, red lights and buses. We had a nice long talk about the things we were seeing and then by the time we arrived at school we were in a slow and relaxed mood. 

Then I headed back home, a solid 20 minute walk of quiet and contemplation. Oh how my day of work started better because of it! I remembered all of the beauty in Berkeley, the flowers and charming houses. It really is such a special place to be and I'm so glad I had the chance to slow down and appreciate it.

One thing I'm committed to once you come is sticking you in a carrier and taking walks with you. I love being outside, especially the quiet and the sun. I can't wait to share it with you.

Love,

Mama