Every night before bed I try to do two things. The first is writing you a little note. The second is writing 5 things I'm grateful for in my gratitude journal. Some nights I'm too exhausted but I get there most nights and these two actions really round out the day.
Though I'm a perfect candidate to keep a journal, I don't. I wrote a daily blog for your brother when he was in my belly and a good friend surprised me by getting the blog published as a book that is now on the bookshelves in our living room. Do you know I haven't ever gone back to reread it? Maybe I will once you're born... but certainly I am grateful to have these two periods of our lives so finely documented. One day I will love that I did this, love rereading snapshots of our world. But as you'll find with life, there are periods of reflection and sentiment and then there are periods of just plain old living. We are living right now, which explains why I haven't reread any of Noah's old blog. I simply don't have the time or headspace to do it justice.
Over the weekend we learned that Sheryl Sandberg's husband died. Sandberg wrote a book called Lean In which was one of the most inspirational things I read that led me to start my own business. My heart was broken for her all weekend; she wrote so much about how having Dave as her husband allowed her to have the amazing career that she does. I saw so much of myself in what she described and, I suppose, saw my relationship with Daddy too. The other night I lay awake from 4 to 6am worrying about Daddy dying. It's the worst thing I can imagine.
So this is the snapshot of our lives right now. Some moments I am sad enough for Sandberg that it haunts me in the early hours and other moments I am picking raisins off the floor and other moments I am helping a CEO role play firing someone. All of these moments are important... all of them are true.
And yet if it weren't for this little blog and nightly tradition, there wouldn't be any record of what your Mama thought about, worried about and celebrated in 2015, the year you were born.
So this blog is one of my five grateful things tonight. And for the fifth night in a row, Daddy is on that list too.
Love,
Mama
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